In conversations with women, I am often reminded about how little the witness of women is represented.  Think about it for a moment.  The scriptures are full of the witnesses of men.  They mention prophetesses and females by name, but we don’t have their written spiritual witnesses.  Many of these great women had incredible personal experiences with the Lord through gifts of the spirit. They received much glory from the Lord God including salvation and their second comforter.  They had received gifts of the spirit and and exercised them equally as men did. 

In the latter days, we have the witness and teachings of male Book of Mormon prophets that received both salvation and exaltation while in the flesh.  Yet, Lehi, Nephi, Jacob, Alma, and so many other men in the Book of Mormon were married too—they had wives.  Many of them knew Christ’s doctrine just as their husbands, but we don’t have their journals, written histories and their spiritual witness of their own journeys “in and through” Christ’s doctrine.

There are different reasons for the witnesses of women being withheld at various times throughout our earth’s history—many due to the works of unrighteous men.  Yes, it’s true that the records of women of the scriptures will come forth in due time. But what if you’re a woman who is awakening or just discovering this now and want to hear the witness of another woman?  One who is living now—one who has fulfilled Christ’s doctrine, had incredible personal experiences with the Lord through gifts of the spirit, and received great things from the Lord including her baptism of fire and Holy Ghost (salvation) and the literal presence of the Lord through her second comforter experience (the promise of exaltation)?  Today, I am happy to share one with you.

Mother’s Day one year ago, I shared the witness of a woman and her interactions with Heavenly Mother.  Today, I would like to share the very personal witness of a different woman.  Her remarks are directed at all men and women—both awakening on this path or not.  I say “both,” because I come across married couples and situations where one spouse has begun to awake, but their partner has not yet begun awakening.  It’s in these situations that the witness of this woman, I believe, will be helpful.

She’s You and Me

For the sake of sharing this in third person, I will refer to this woman as “Kate.”  I think it’s very important to remind you that if you were to meet Kate, sit with her, talk with her, hang out with her and a group of other people or women, that you would find she is very much like you.  Although “normal” can be relative at times, she is very normal.

She probably wouldn’t stand out in a large crowd like most of us.  You wouldn’t recognize her in the aisle at the grocery store.  But, like my own personal experiences with her, you would love Kate and adore her happy smile and countenance.  She has so much love to give and exemplifies Jesus Christ in so many personal and intimate ways.

Kate is married.  She has children.  She has your normal marriage relationship challenges.  She has day to day challenges with the relationships with her children just like anyone else.  She has her ups and downs.  She has very normal weaknesses (even chocolate) while also having great strengths and has received gifts of the spirit to help her on her personal journey.

A Small Portion of the Journey

I apologize that I can’t write a book on Kate and the in-depth experiences throughout her life.  Unfortunately, a short blog post will have to do for now.  It is meant to be an inspiration to anyone and encourage you to begin or further your spiritual awakening in and through the doctrine of Christ.  I will try to capture our conversation as exact as I can with her emphasis and emotion.  I have added words in brackets for the sake of our conversational flow.  Pray for guidance and discernment as to how you can best receive Kate’s witness.

Unbelief

There are a few common threads for anyone awakening on this path in and through the doctrine of Christ.  One of those is dealing with “unbelief.”  The fruits of unbelief will manifest itself in infinite ways, but it is definitely something that each person has to work through.  As a woman, Kate shared the following about working through her own unbelief:

“I believed I had to qualify—that I needed to be ‘worthy’ to be able to have any kind of experience with the Lord.  It could be a checklist.  I think women are really good at creating checklists for themselves. I thought I had to do this, and this and this and this and this and more in order to have and experience with the Lord, much less to even have the Lord just talk to me.”

“This means that I had to deal with anything from my past.  There were things from when I was younger that I had to repent for.  I wondered if the Lord was going to forgive me so I can be worthy.  But I learned that nothing keeps us from that—the atonement completely covers us. I think that needs to be said.”

“The examples of Paul and Alma from the scriptures come to mind.  No matter what they did, the Lord forgave them.  He forgave them because He knew who they were.  The experiences we have in the flesh (mortality) is different than our spirit—it’s absolutely different.  We are born into a family that lead us to have these experiences.  I even grew up in a family with some hard thing that even included abuse.  What I learned through this is that’s not who I really am inside.  We are two different people in a sense—and the spirit is taking in the experience of both the physical body and the spirit –it’s taking it all in.  That will be with us forever.  Our physical body has hereditary weakness, has sin, has abuse, has general weakness, and habits and all these things.  If you separated the physical body and the spirit, you get a different person really—in a sense [trying to explain it in words as best she can].  But our spirit is who we really are.  We covenanted before we came here [to mortality] and came down to experience certain things…so that as women, we will have a full knowledge when we are a Heavenly Mother.  As women, we will still have this because we will still nurture our own children—nurturing goes on and on.  [ —— ], the wife of Christ, is learning how to be a Heavenly Mother. 

Kate took a moment to share the personal teachings of Heavenly Mother to her:

“It was so tender to hear the words of Heavenly Mother to me explain, ‘I am still preparing [ —— ] and helping her to know what she needs in order to be a Heavenly Mother.’  I was a little surprised by that but it made sense to me about the [progressive] roles of a woman.

She continues explaining how her life experiences affected her unbelief:

“As women we are so hard on ourselves—at least me—I beat myself up.  I look at my life and think, ‘There’s no way [I am worthy]’.  I would compare myself.  The Lord said to me, ‘Kate, it will do you no good to compare.  Per your ascension experience there is a timing. There is absolutely a timing [of all things in your life].’”

I asked her, “At what point on the journey did you awaken to the possibility of receiving everything from the Lord?”  She explained:

“I actually had [ ——- ] come and minister to me.  I don’t know why I was supposed to experience [ ——- ].  But, it was such a powerful feeling of love.  When I experienced [ ——- ], I knew I wanted to be just like her—I felt like that was my next step.”

Kate explains further that it was her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that helped her through her unbelief step by step:

“I would literally ask the Lord, ‘What do I need to do now—to overcome now?’  It was a process of looking at my weaknesses—and there were tons—like neon lights flashing at me.  I realized it all stems from my childhood [feeling like there was something wrong with me or that I am not worthy].  I had all this baggage and it felt really overwhelming.  I overcame through repentance and believing in the atonement—believing that Christ can literally forgive me for everything and anything—that I can be forgiven—believing that I am loved—that He knows me.”

“I had a special experience with the Lord.  I told the Lord, ‘There are so many people like the sands of the sea.  I am like one of these tiny grains of sand.  How do you know me?’  He immediately took me to a beach.  He reached down and pulled up a single grain of sand and held it in his hand.  It was in the shape of a star.  It had my name on it.  He then said to me, ‘I know who you are and I know you.’  He took the grain of sand and threw it out into the water.  I immediately thought gasping, ‘Ohh, you’re never gonna find it now’—thinking it was small again.  He went out, walked into the water and reached down into the water and pulled out that same single grain of sand.  He then said to me, ‘I always know where you are.’  He then took it and threw it up into the sky.  From that experience I knew He knows who I am and where I am. I have worth to Him.”

“To overcome unbelief is believing I have worth.  My life experiences inhibited me from believing I had worth.  Growing up I wanted to do some things, but we didn’t have a lot of money and on top of that I had my own physical shortcomings, including school.  Like, I wanted to dance but I struggled with rhythm.  I tried all these things but didn’t seem to come easy.  I liked piano and took two lessons but then my dad said, ‘I’m so sorry, but I can’t pay for lessons anymore.’  So, I remember looking at all these other people thinking they had all these gifts and talents that I wanted.  Teaching was even so hard for me….But the one thing I knew I could do was love.  I feel like there is always at least one thing that a woman is good at and that one thing comes with you from heaven.  For me, that was it—to give love.  But overall, I had all these false ideas about what would make me a good person.”

“I remember expressing to the Lord my desire to be a teacher—even specifically a teacher of other women.  But, again, because of unbelief, I thought that you had to be this smart, talented woman, or even a leader in the church to be able to do all of that.  I remember thinking, ‘I’ll never get there.  I will never have that opportunity.’  But the desire was still in my heart and I knew I needed to pray for it.  I realized that I needed to disregard everything that we think we need to be—at least according to the world’s standards—in order to be a servant of the Lord.  I want to express how important it is to ask the Lord how He sees us and what He wants us to.  That’s the only real place I have learned what my worth really is.  It’s true my husband has really helped a lot also, but as a woman, it is ultimately through the Lord that I know my worth and that I am a daughter of God.”

Kate conceded that, “At some point, you have to accept your own broken-ness.  You have accept your journey.  You have to know that whatever you went through, no matter the injustice, that you had to go through it all for the benefit of your own soul.  You have to receive it as if it were a gift, not a thorn in your side.  Whatever our physical body is, it is not who we really are.  Part of my journey was that I covenanted to have these experiences.  All of our experiences are different because we all chose different things.  But in the end, we have to accept the Lord’s forgiveness.”

Hopefully, you can grasp her feelings of inadequacy she had to work through both as a human in mortality, but also as a woman whose heart really did desire the Lord but had to learn through experience to see herself as the Lord saw her.

The Female Relationship with Deity

“Satan likes the comparisons of men and women both secularly and spiritually.  He has a hand in all of it.  He likes it.”

“[ ——- ] has taught me that, ‘Kate, be at peace.  It’s not a one parent relationship.  It never has been, and it never will be.’  We have to realize that we don’t just have a Heavenly Father but that we have a Heavenly Mother that is always with us all the time.  Often we sense things through the [Holy] Spirit but Father and Mother communicate through this same [Holy] spirit.  Father’s gift is knowledge, Mother’s gift is wisdom, and the Savior’s gift is charity.  That’s their gifts to us and they all complement one another to help us.  Wisdom is how to use knowledge.  We are never alone, but we just don’t realize it.  Heavenly Mother is also nurturing, speaking, and administering to you through the Holy Spirit, but you may just not realize it.”

As a woman, Kate said that her personal relationship with the Savior is knowing that “His role is different from Father and Mother.  But the Savior can have perfect empathy even for a woman.  This ability to have perfect empathy is a mystery, but He can relate to woman equally as He can with man.  Father, Mother and the Son are one.  Mother’s wisdom is the Savior’s.”

Baptism of Fire and Holy Ghost

Through a personal relationship with the Savior, Kate was led to the next milestone in her path in and through the doctrine of Christ—her baptism of fire and Holy Ghost.  She shares that it came at a time in her life when “I was yearning to be more for the Lord.  I was willing to give Him everything.  I even told him that I would [give Him everything].  I wanted to be clean [receive a personal remission of sin].  I wanted to serve Him.  I felt like it was my spirit was starting to really come alive.

“I wanted the gifts of the spirit.  I wanted to do all these things for the Lord.  I don’t know how to do all these things, but I wanted to be His servant.  I just remember praying and praying and pouring out my heart and soul.” 

“So, I was at my altar.  I offered Him everything.  I even offered Him things I thought I was supposed to offer [out of tradition] like my time, my talents and all these things.  But as I did that, I sensed there was something missing.  It was me.  I was missing.  I knew I had to get on the altar and offer myself.  I had to ask myself whether I was willing to give Him everything?  Would I be willing to lay down my life like He laid down His for me?  As soon as I put myself on the altar, the Lord said, ‘It was complete.’   He accepted all of it and I knew that.  Then, had this washing [of her spirit from head to toe].  I was washed and washed over and over nonstop by the Spirit.  It overwhelmed me—I cried and cried.”

“I went to the temple the next day because at that time I thought it was where [traditionally] I had to be.  I have since learned that your holy place can be anywhere—home, mountains, closet, room, anywhere.  So, I was sitting in the celestial room of the temple.  Immediately, I felt hands on my head.  I prayed and asked who it was.  The angel said that I was being anointed for [ ————- ].  It was also made known to me that I had to begin seeking my second comforter experience.”

At this point, Kate wanted to share that, “Each person’s experience is not necessarily the same as anyone else’s.  Just like angels that have stewardship over us are unique to us, so will be our baptism of fire and Holy Ghost experience [and so will every other experience with the Lord be unique and customized].  We should not compare your experience with any other’s experience.” 

“Get a confirmation from the Lord through revelation.  The Lord is the only one that can give you that peace.  The additional witness offers peace and comfort.  If you have a spouse on this path, ask your spouse to seek an additional witness.”

Kate offered a personal experience from her journal.  It was an interaction between her and Heavenly Mother:  

“Kate, this is Mother, and [ ——– ] is with me.  I am still teaching her what she needs to know to become like me some day.  We are very involved in your life.  We love you with a love that is most deep and close to our hearts.   We have cried with you, rejoiced with you, travailed with you in your moments of trial and despair.  We know your every need and bless you often along with our holy family of women and men (angels).  You’re deeply loved.  We know who you are and who you are to become.  We will help you to fulfill every covenant you have made.  We are involved in the details of your life’s mission and will continue to be there and will come [when you need].  We will help you fulfill your mission of [ ———- ].  Be at peace.  We love you forever.  We are by your side helping you along with the Father and Son.  Then [ ——— ] spoke and said, ‘This is not a one parent relationship.  It never has been and it never will be.’”

Kate added, “Just a like a loving mother would be, Mother is there with us nurturing every step of the way.  I share that personal experience because it is applicable to all women.” 

The Second Comforter

Kate believes that her opportunity to publicly share her second comforter experience should come at a different time in the future.  I assure you that when she shares it will be for a specific purpose that will be powerful in helping others on their journey.  So, instead of detailing her experience here, we briefly discussed the period of time from her baptism of fire and Holy Ghost to her second comforter.  She reflects back on this important time period as “a time of personal learning or education.”

“About two years from the time I had my baptism of fire and Holy Ghost, I had my second comforter experience.  The Lord was mentoring me during that time period.  I spent a lot of time asking the questions, ‘Lord, what do you want me to do before I can come to you?  What do I need to learn?’”

“I spent this time constantly overcoming weaknesses.  The Lord and I had a visual way of teaching me my progress on the path [not sharing here].  It was like going to school to get my degree.  There is just a personal journey full of experiences we need to have before we are prepared to come to Him.”

“It was during this time that I was seriously looking at my weaknesses and wanted to get better at them.  I wanted to know that the Lord would help me and keep the promise He made in scripture (Ether 12:27).  The Lord promised me that He would just as He said in scripture.  I knew the Lord couldn’t lie.  So, I started working on one of my weaknesses from my childhood.  And then another and another.” 

“I was just spending a lot of time with the Lord asking, ‘What can you teach me?”  I was learning to use my spiritual eyes which is hard for me.  But when I do get clear images I know it is the Lord helping me.  I learned to see angels of both light and dark using spiritual eyes.”

Per one receiving their second comforter experience, Kate said, “Don’t get discouraged—It is about timing and the timing is unique for each person, and timing is not about being ‘worthy.’  It has nothing to do with one person being better than another, because the Lord is the one that qualifies us.”

Women and Gifts of the Spirit

“You have to believe that the Lord wants to give you gifts.  If we desire the gift, it is good for us to express to the Lord why you want that gift and what you will do with it.  Moroni said to ‘seek after every good gift.’  Each person came to mortality with their own gift.  But I also knew I had to seek for more gifts.”

A very powerful lesson from the Lord for Kate was when she started to earnestly seek for gifts.  The Lord replied, “’Kate, I was just waiting for you to ask.’ It was then that I learned just how important and powerful it is to ask.  That is the key.”

“The most important is the gift of charity, because it is the foundation of all gifts.  If you can always be working on charity, which is basically learning to do the Lord’s will because you love Christ more than anything, then you will be in tune and know what to ask for—what gifts to develop.  You’ll be like, ‘Lord, will you help me with this gift?’  And He will.  You’ll come to realize that He is the ‘gift giver.’  Moroni knew what he was saying about ‘every good gift.’”

Conclusion

I believe that there are so many potential takeaways for any person’s journey.  I believe it should remind you that God is no respecter of persons.  They love their daughters equally as much as their sons.  Each person has their own customized journey.

Unbelief is manifested in so many ways.  But unbelief is what keeps each person from ascending.  Deep down inside, we all want to know that God knows and loves us intimately.

I hope that in sharing Kate’s experiences, it will help any person overcome at least some of their unbelief—overcoming the lies that the adversary tells us.  Kate is a very humble servant.  She admits that she is always learning, seeking, knocking, and asking in order to understand how she can fulfill her mission.  She would tell you to seek the Lord, seek your baptism of fire and Holy Ghost, seek to learn from the Lord, seek for good gifts, ask for them, and seek to be a personal witness of the Savior and true servant by receiving your second comforter.

I have shared only a small portion of Kate’s journey in and through the doctrine of Christ.  Her entire spiritual journey deserves its own book, but I will say that so does yours.  To the Lord, your journey is of equal worth. 

One final word from Kate: “If women believe they are not worthy, that is a total lie!”

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